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Chornus - Volume One: Chapter One: Anna Jane, Original Stories Fan Fiction | MediaMiner

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  • 1 Comment sorted by Votes Date Added
  • Interesting start. However, there are several "Huh?" moments.

    The first was, "Her two prized possessions with a small her grandfather gave her last year and a ....." Is "with" supposed to be "were" or is something missing? "A small her grandfather gave her"; a small what? Could this be an important item for the story?

    Then you made a malaprop, "she heard a breach snap." While "breach" is a perfectly fine word, since as a noun it means an opening, I can't really imagine one snapping. I think you meant a "branch".

    While there are others, they are fairly insignificant compared to the above. With a careful re-read, you should be able to find and correct them on your own.

    I like it so far. Thanks.

    Moose

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